too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
