Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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