Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
