yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
