i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
