I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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