So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the condom got lost in my hair
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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