this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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