im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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