I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
