My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
