O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
