I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
