Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
