you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
