Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
