new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm like, not good at living.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
