I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
