Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
