i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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