we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
