i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
