I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
pray to the hookup gods
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
