Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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