Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
