what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
a search helicopter?!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
