Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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