I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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