So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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