I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
