If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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