No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
