He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
