I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
