im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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