If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
