mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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