after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
