is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
