Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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