i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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