I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
