I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
