She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
