Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Your dad touched me again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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