I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
