Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
