Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
