Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
