I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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