my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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