I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
